Hamasaki.

The Ayumi marches into the cellar,
Grabs a baby from the corner,
Gleaming eyes of endless horror,
Teeth ripping off infant ears.

The Ayumi gouges out the tiny eyes,
Licks its lips and takes a bite,
Juicy blood that drips like wine,
It rips the skin of the innocent child.

The Ayumi savours the taste of youth,
Juicy intestines spurt like fruit,
It smiles to show the taste was good,
The crying baby has gone mute.

The Ayumi swallows the little corpse,
Crunching it with chomping jaws,
Crunching on without a pause,
Savouring the taste of a mother's loss.

© 2008 DERIKURI™

Another one bites the dust

A sad day perhaps, as news have surfaced that a singer has passed away on August 4th. The JPOP singer is in her 20s, and she hails from Japan. She has sang for a famous anime too.

With deepest regret we have to announce that it is NOT Hamasaki Ayumi. As much as we would love to witness her 死 and put it on Youtube so it can be immortalized and rewatched again and again, the sad bitch just never seems to let up.

Still, this is about Kawai Eri, not Hamasaki Ayumi. Known for her works in the soundtracks for Tales of Symphonia, Aria the Animation and Crayon Shin-chan, she passed away due to a terminal illness she has been struggling against.

Despite that, we have to admit that when we heard that a JPOP singer died, we were crossing our fingers and chanting "Ayumi, Ayumi, Ayumi, ..." under our breath.

If only deafness in the left ear killed. :(

Ayumi Hamasaki New Single Confirmed!!

We have done an intensive research on locating the essence of Ayumi and coming up with possible song titles she would pick. Therefore we can infer that her next single will be called either one of these....

Gorgeous World
Inner Beauty c/w Fashionista
Hefty Girl c/w DANCE ON ME
SEX MYTH c/w first time
pain in my HEART c/w shine always
thank YOU c/w bittersweet
LOST WORLD
thank YOU c/w When You Were Here <--- Our bets are on this one.
Endless Happiness
GO!GO!AYUMANIA
tempurature
complexion
SEMENASTIC
FANTAStrick day
Beuatiful Lie
beautifool girl
HANABI episode III <--- And this one, who knows?
2gather LOVE
Cameo Angel
ALLways beauty
(Sir)CUS
YOUniverse

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And moments after coming up with these, we received an update stating that her next single will be ONE'S ALL c/w Claim. Now who would have thought of that.

=======================================

Weeks later it was confirmed to be GREEN c/w Days. Now, that is something.

New Music

Coldplay's new album is so bloody amazing omg it completely eclipses their previous effort X&Y. Viva la Vida makes X&Y sound slushy and overly synthy. I love love love it so badly now. There's a dramatic increase of noticeable instruments and innovation in the arrangements. 9/10. Best: Cemeteries of London.

I randomly downloaded Adem's Takes and it was quite good too but I only listened to Unravel and some other track repeatedly for a while. Initially I thought it was amazing then my friend said it was whiny and now I think it is a bit whiny kinda. Also became quite samey after a while and not very exciting. Not my type probably. 6.5/10. Best: Unravel.

Also Alanis Morissette is suddenly amazing with the new album Flavors of Entanglement which is utterly brilliant in places and overall a very solid and strong record. The rocky songs are great and she does amazingly in the sparse and heartfelt tune "Not As We". 9/10. Best: Underneath.

And Perfectly Clear by Jewel which is set to be her lowest selling album in her career is also very good indeed and should not be so ignored. Jewel's attempt at country still sounds pop to me but she has many strong songs here though the fact that the most immediately likeable song here "2 Become 1" was initially from her 0304 album does say something. 8/10. Best: 2 Become 1.

Also The Ting Tings which are suddenly very famous due to an iPod commercial does not drown in the hype thanks to a rather brilliant debut album. We Started Nothing got to #1 in the UK and it contains many amazing tracks that are a lot better than the first single which gets terribly annoying after the first 5 listens. 8.5/10. Best: Fruit Machine.

And Mika Nakashima further digs deeper into the grave she established for her career by creating a ghastly project with three obese people.

Reinventing Ayumi

Ayumi's role model is Madonna.

Then shame on her for breaking Madonna's golden rule: Re-invention.

Madonna never does the same thing twice, so every album is a completely different body of work from the other. No matter how terrible her album sold, no genres were directly repeated. But what about Ayumi? Lol no! She crushed that commandment ages ago when she dared to make Blue Bird and then had the nerve to follow it up with Glitter.

Seeing that people are no longer bothered with her doing summery pop to death, she then went on to suck out all the life from the rock genre by making one rock single after another. Fated, Talkin 2 myself, Decision, Mirrorcle World, rock versions of her singles from the previous decade (You & Depend On You "anniversary" (lol!!) versions), etc etc. Then there was also a terrible rock album called GUILTY which became her first album not to reach #1 (lol!!).

Her music gets progressively more soulless and tedious each time she repeats the same thing. What happened to the Ayumi before My Story came out? New Ayumi is like a terrible racist insult to the entire Ayumi discography with every new song a fatal virus she adds into the Hamasaki Music Collection.

Someone needs to stop her now before she loses every drop of credibility.

Or perhaps she already has.

Bye Bye Ayumi

TOKYO, Japan - Famous Japanese singer Hamasaki Ayumi was involved in a fatal car crash the previous night. Investigations done so far has indicated that the accident happened due to the car hitting a lamp post while travelling at the speed of about 140km/h. The driver, Matsuko Hotaka, lost control of the vehicle due to unknown reasons. He passed away on the way to the hospital.

Reports have shown that the cars brakes were malfunctioning, thus causing the driver to lose control of the vehicle. "We won't rule out sabotage in this case. It's possible that the brakes have been tampered with," claimed Gen. Honda Kobayashi. Further investigations will be carried out to determine the exact cause of the accident.

Hamasaki Ayumi is known as Japan's most famous singer; she is known throughout Asia and America. With sales exceeding 40 million copies in Japan alone, she is touted as Asia's biggest celebrity. However, recently her career has not been going well due to complications with her record label and competition from other stars in the industry.

LOL