Doing it yourself

Thank you once again.

This "music business"

We were feeling pretty down for the past two Mika Nakashima singles and lost interest in writing about her for a while. Behaviour of this sort was caused by the less-than-stellar quality of "Orion" (which became one of her bigger hits) and her latest effort "Over Load". "Orion" was a predictable and uplifting ballad with a kind of a pleasant twangy sound while "Over Load" sounded like a rework of Life minus the brilliant piano intro.

However now that the full single is out, it's obvious the fault is Mika's. She isn't talentless, she's just presented with substandard people to arrange her music. This is a fact, made evident by the Kenmochi Hidefumi remix of the track, which layers her vocals with laidback and more pleasant instruments, giving it a more jazzy and relaxed feel. In other words, it is fucking brilliant.

Then on the B-sides frontier we have the absolutely amazing "No Answer". It has near-perfect arrangements and some very sweet melodies, and hence this possibly made the instrumental more enjoyable than the track itself. Such a strong song, and it's not even mentioned on the single cover nor has it received any advertising.

It's all a major fuck-up if you ask us. The Kenmochi Hidefumi mix should have been the single version, backed up with a second A-side in the form of "No Answer", coupled with two music videos as well, instead of just one pretty low budgeted one done for "Over Load". The woman's last album went platinum for heaven's sake. Give her more.

Digressing for a bit though, it's amazing when you consider that in about slightly more than a year Mika Nakashima will be selling more copies of future albums than Ayumi will.

Intense outrage...

...channeled into more toying around.



Shocking how well the two tracks go together. Now if only someone would be commissioned to make an official version somewhere. :(

Writer's block...

...translated into producer capabilities.



Thank you ladies and gentlemen. We appreciate the honour.

Top Honours 2008

After much deliberation, it has been decided that...

Pop Artist of the Year
Beyoncé
Britney Spears
Gabriella Cilmi
Katy Perry
Sarah Brightman

While they were all special in one way or another, Katy Perry stormed through 2008 with I Kissed A Girl and Hot N Cold which basically charted everywhere and were great songs themselves. Coming second was Britney Spears with her massive, A-rated comeback followed by Sarah Brightman thanks to her accomplished studio effort "Symphony" and her work on the soundtrack of "Repo: The Genetic Opera".

Pop Group/Duo of the Year
Girls Aloud
Goldfrapp
The Saturdays
Take That
The Ting Tings

Arguably also deserved by The Ting Tings who came out from nowhere and produced a brilliant set of tunes, Girls Aloud wins here for their significant releases in 2008, among them the Top 10 hit Can't Speak French and their number one chart entry "The Promise" that showed just how some music never gets tiring.

Pop Song of the Year
Gabriella Cilmi - Sweet About Me
Girls Aloud - The Promise
Goldfrapp - A&E
Sarah McLachlan - U Want Me 2
The Ting Tings - Shut Up And Let Me Go

Making a clean sweep at the ARIA Awards showed how much potential this young woman had as an artist, and her album has gotten some positive remarks from critics worldwide as well. But this track, Sweet About Me, will be a classic, one that will be played decades from now on for its sheer catchiness.

Pop Album of the Year
Girls Aloud - Out Of Control
Goldfrapp - Seventh Tree
Sharleen Spiteri - Melody
The Ting Tings - We Started Nothing
Yael Naim - Yael Naim

The Ting Tings narrowly edged out the Girls' effort due to their innovation and creativity, as heard in their songs. That's Not My Name, annoying but brilliant, was a number one hit for them, while the ever amazing Shut Up And Let Me Go won the hearts of music listeners both sides of the ocean.

Foreign Artist of the Year
Ami Suzuki
Ayumi Hamasaki
Hikaru Utada
Alan
Yuna Ito

For her ultimately excellent album Heart Station, Utada beats pop diva Ayumi Hamasaki in this category despite the latter releasing some of her best work in recent times. However, Utada is no stranger to awards, with every release of hers gaining well-deserved attention from the public.

Foreign Song of the Year
Ayumi Hamasaki - Days
Ayumi Hamasaki - Green
Ayumi Hamasaki - Mirrorcle World
Hikaru Utada - Stay Gold
Yuna Ito - miss you

Having three songs in the nominees list might have been a bit of a feat to pull off, but Hamasaki's A-sides in 2008 were so strong they deserved more than they got. Despite being number ones, their sales figures were paltry compared to the sales of her Top 10 singles many years ago. A close contender for this honour was Utada's Stay Gold, but Green won for the way it plays out in an epic manner.

Foreign Single of the Year
Alan - ひとつ
Ayumi Hamasaki - Days/Green
Hitomi Shimatani - 雨の日には雨の中を風の日には風の中を
Namie Amuro - 60s 70s 80s
Yuna Ito - miss you

As mentioned before, Hamasaki's 2008 singles were some of her best in recent years, and Days/Green boasts two excellent A-sides that showed her knack for a ear-catching melody, narrowly beating out Alan's ひとつ.

Foreign Album of the Year
Ami Suzuki - Supreme Show
Ayumi Hamasaki - Guilty
Hikaru Utada - Heart Station
Kumi Koda - Kingdom
Mika Nakashima - Voice

Heart Station was shocking; it was everything an album should be. All the tracks were single-worthy and unique, yet they melded together perfectly. Critics and fans alike may point out that the album contains outtakes from previous studio effort Ultra Blue, but why waste some brilliant songs when you can make them work together?

Newcomer of the Year
Duffy
Gabriella Cilmi
Katy Perry
Alan
The Ting Tings

Both The Ting Tings and Katy Perry brought a strong fascination for music when their songs first debuted on the radio. Perry's I Kissed A Girl was both controversial and superb, while That's Not My Name gave a sense of originality while boasting a hok that pounds itself into your head. While both won over fans like no other, The Ting Tings deserve this honour more for being one of a kind; no other bands of the moment sound or even look like them.

That's all we have folks, here's to 2009 bringing us more of the "same old shit" as Popjustice would say.

Hamasaki.

The Ayumi marches into the cellar,
Grabs a baby from the corner,
Gleaming eyes of endless horror,
Teeth ripping off infant ears.

The Ayumi gouges out the tiny eyes,
Licks its lips and takes a bite,
Juicy blood that drips like wine,
It rips the skin of the innocent child.

The Ayumi savours the taste of youth,
Juicy intestines spurt like fruit,
It smiles to show the taste was good,
The crying baby has gone mute.

The Ayumi swallows the little corpse,
Crunching it with chomping jaws,
Crunching on without a pause,
Savouring the taste of a mother's loss.

© 2008 DERIKURI™

Another one bites the dust

A sad day perhaps, as news have surfaced that a singer has passed away on August 4th. The JPOP singer is in her 20s, and she hails from Japan. She has sang for a famous anime too.

With deepest regret we have to announce that it is NOT Hamasaki Ayumi. As much as we would love to witness her 死 and put it on Youtube so it can be immortalized and rewatched again and again, the sad bitch just never seems to let up.

Still, this is about Kawai Eri, not Hamasaki Ayumi. Known for her works in the soundtracks for Tales of Symphonia, Aria the Animation and Crayon Shin-chan, she passed away due to a terminal illness she has been struggling against.

Despite that, we have to admit that when we heard that a JPOP singer died, we were crossing our fingers and chanting "Ayumi, Ayumi, Ayumi, ..." under our breath.

If only deafness in the left ear killed. :(

Ayumi Hamasaki New Single Confirmed!!

We have done an intensive research on locating the essence of Ayumi and coming up with possible song titles she would pick. Therefore we can infer that her next single will be called either one of these....

Gorgeous World
Inner Beauty c/w Fashionista
Hefty Girl c/w DANCE ON ME
SEX MYTH c/w first time
pain in my HEART c/w shine always
thank YOU c/w bittersweet
LOST WORLD
thank YOU c/w When You Were Here <--- Our bets are on this one.
Endless Happiness
GO!GO!AYUMANIA
tempurature
complexion
SEMENASTIC
FANTAStrick day
Beuatiful Lie
beautifool girl
HANABI episode III <--- And this one, who knows?
2gather LOVE
Cameo Angel
ALLways beauty
(Sir)CUS
YOUniverse

=======================================

And moments after coming up with these, we received an update stating that her next single will be ONE'S ALL c/w Claim. Now who would have thought of that.

=======================================

Weeks later it was confirmed to be GREEN c/w Days. Now, that is something.

Reinventing Ayumi

Ayumi's role model is Madonna.

Then shame on her for breaking Madonna's golden rule: Re-invention.

Madonna never does the same thing twice, so every album is a completely different body of work from the other. No matter how terrible her album sold, no genres were directly repeated. But what about Ayumi? Lol no! She crushed that commandment ages ago when she dared to make Blue Bird and then had the nerve to follow it up with Glitter.

Seeing that people are no longer bothered with her doing summery pop to death, she then went on to suck out all the life from the rock genre by making one rock single after another. Fated, Talkin 2 myself, Decision, Mirrorcle World, rock versions of her singles from the previous decade (You & Depend On You "anniversary" (lol!!) versions), etc etc. Then there was also a terrible rock album called GUILTY which became her first album not to reach #1 (lol!!).

Her music gets progressively more soulless and tedious each time she repeats the same thing. What happened to the Ayumi before My Story came out? New Ayumi is like a terrible racist insult to the entire Ayumi discography with every new song a fatal virus she adds into the Hamasaki Music Collection.

Someone needs to stop her now before she loses every drop of credibility.

Or perhaps she already has.

Bye Bye Ayumi

TOKYO, Japan - Famous Japanese singer Hamasaki Ayumi was involved in a fatal car crash the previous night. Investigations done so far has indicated that the accident happened due to the car hitting a lamp post while travelling at the speed of about 140km/h. The driver, Matsuko Hotaka, lost control of the vehicle due to unknown reasons. He passed away on the way to the hospital.

Reports have shown that the cars brakes were malfunctioning, thus causing the driver to lose control of the vehicle. "We won't rule out sabotage in this case. It's possible that the brakes have been tampered with," claimed Gen. Honda Kobayashi. Further investigations will be carried out to determine the exact cause of the accident.

Hamasaki Ayumi is known as Japan's most famous singer; she is known throughout Asia and America. With sales exceeding 40 million copies in Japan alone, she is touted as Asia's biggest celebrity. However, recently her career has not been going well due to complications with her record label and competition from other stars in the industry.

LOL

Rivalry

"Japanese singer RURUTIA, known for her epic and ethereal tunes, has made a comment about popular J-Pop singer Ayumi Hamasaki stating that she is "untalented and raw" and "doesn't know the least thing about music. I try my best at my music and AyuSAMA just sits there, doing what, posing naked for a single of little to no credits to herself?"No comment from either artists has been made at this time."

More mishaps

Adorable Ayumi.

Mirrorcle World will be unleashed upon the hapless public in a few days but the Oricon prediction shows that it might be facing some competition from ZARD, a singer who died last year. How did a dead singer release a single? Ask Avex. God knows how they managed to get new material from ZARD.

Also Sugababes and another flop (by their standards when Mutya was around) that makes us think. Denial was a pretty good song too. The Amelle curse, perhaps? Already two singles failing to reach the Top 10, ghastly. And then there's Girls Aloud with their lowest-charting single, the amazing Can't Speak French. But how low is lowest when it's Girls Aloud? Well, a #9. But then again with all the radio support and promotion and Cheryl Cole drama, I expected a Top 5.

Times like these are tough.

Also Ayumi

Once again in a cruel world where all justice is flushed down the public toilet to join dead goldfish, Mika Nakashima suffers in the charts. SAKURA ~花霞~ enters the chart at a lowly #9 and looks set to not perform spectacularly despite being a drama tie-in and a very beautiful song.

However, every cloud has a silver lining blah blah so despite that horrible fact we have to face, we still have things to laugh at. For example: Ayumi. New single covers for Mirrorcle World displays her nakedness with only her hands covering her lack of breasts and she also has fake butterflies in her hair.

If that doesnt reek of desperation I don't know what does.

In any case, I do fancy the song which is a gorgeous and dissonant piece of rock music that blends awkwardly at segments. Still it's all too little too late (and too rock) to revive her now almost-dead career.

Also Ayumi

Decision turned out to be amazing.

Pity about the sales then.

Also Leaked Lately

Sugababes and their amazing new promo for About You Now is really very good (predictably). The Sticky Remix is superb although Keisha sounds quite distorted with her vocals sped up. It's almost on par with the single version. Also I would like to listen to the other remixes again but the first 10 seconds put me off. So, maybe later.

Also some more Britney tracks leaked (since Gimme More received favourable reception so it's probably intentional) but I haven't bothered to download them yet. Also Marty says they are comparable to Rihanna B-sides so maybe never.

Also a Kylie track leaked (!!!) which prompted an instant "Save As..." but unfortunately it is Not exciting at all. Hopefully it won't be on the album unless somebody alters the arrangements and tweaks parts of the chorus.

Also yesterday an LQ but clear preview of Ayumi's last chorus of Decision was floating around. Surprisingly it was very Very good indeed and just might be what some EX-fans need to start liking her Again. Yes, Ayumi has hacked off parts of her fanbase again and again with destructive songs of death such as BLUE BIRD and STARTIN' which are absolutely terrible but appealing nevertheless. Fated is plain crap though.

Also Mika

Ok this is the Best person ever in the galaxy. You will never see anyone like her. She is the one in your dreams. She is Mika Nakashima. She is also my Favourite Ever artist ok.

For the young, foolish and uneducated, she makes Amazing music. Music so good it brings tears to the eyes. Mika makes all kinds of music, it depends on the album. Pop Mika? Yes. Jazz Mika? Yup. Rock Mika? Ya, that too. Experimental Mika? Sure. Gospel Mika? Of course. You see, she's Multitalented and a Genius.

Ok I haven't mentioned her Voice. It's capable of reaching very high notes without effort. Her voice is Beautiful. It's not like Mariah Carey or Amy Winehouse "beautiful". It's what a woman should sound like. It's Brilliant and Lovely and Soothing and Amazing.

As you can see, she is also a Beauty. A Beautiful woman who can sing amazingly well is Rare. Mariah Carey is fat. Amy Winehouse is Hideous. See? Mika Nakashima is a Model. She advertises Kanebo's KATE line. She does it Very Well. You can watch her numerous commercials in Youtube.

Also she sang once in Music Station and there was Ayumi and Mika's vocals made Ayumi sound like Shit. This greatly increases her likeability. Also people clap louder for Mika than for Ayumi.

Plus Mika is Cool. She doesn't speak much, she doesn't smile much, but you know she is everything you want to be. You can't hate her. You know she's too good for that. She loves black too. And she keeps a cat. And also she makes mindblowingly stunning photobooks once in a while and they have enormous prices that will make you weep.

Also not to be confused with gay Mika from the UK.

Now that THAT's out of the way...

Terrible, isn't it? Someone told me the covers looked like Coca Cola cans, that was spot on. Ayumi releases another uninspired effort that is bound to reach #1 and sell more than 100,000 copies. The predictability of it all makes the future look bleak. Of course Ayumi isn't half as bad as the morons a.k.a. Ayufans who make life hell. Fans please die ok.

Of course, despite this disgusting fact, we also have the very pretty Erika Sawajiri releasing something in November. And Kumi has another dull and tepid ballad for us which benefits from having an amazing PV where she moves around a little too much. If that doesn't excite you, then Mika Nakashima, goddess of holy light mercy shining hope and pure brilliance, will release her new single in October, and it is a gorgeous wintery reggae kind of track that is 100% amazing. Also Yuna Ito but I forgot.